No time to do anything
I haven´t written for a month, and the reason is I have been working. And I´m so tired I could lie down and cry... But somehow I have to find the energy to go on for two more weeks. Two weeks! That seems like an enternity when I think of what I have to do. I had no idea it would be this hard to finish all the work this summer - I somehow thought I´d be able to do more, in less time.
But I couldn´t. And I can´t!
I´m awfully tired - and I´ve been tired for a long time... I need time off!! Now! So why can´t I just leave what I´m doing and take care of myself? I mean, that would be the most sane thing to do right now, since it doesn´t seem to matter anyway if I do a good job, or a mediocre job (or none at all) because I still don´t know if I´ll have a chance to keep on doing what I like to do (radio programmes...) next year. It´s all about money. And I just hate this situation.
Still, something keeps me from giving up...
Am I an idiot?
Or just too ambitious?
Or is it just a personal thing, that I want to finish what I started over 6 months ago? And I want to do it well?
But I need a vacation. And not only a week or two, but a real vacation! Last year I didn´t really have one, since having to deal with the fact that your husband is planning to move to another country isn´t exactly having time off, and that is what happened during my 3-4 free weeks last summer.
But I didn´t realize exactly how tired I was until the beginning of this summer - after the documentary, after all the other programmes...
Now I have reached the point where I sleep badly, wake up too early, feel irritated with anyone who expect something from me - and in short, I´m bitchier than ever!
More than one person has suggested that I´m heading for a burnout... I´m afraid they might be right. I have to do something to avoid that, and I have to do it soon...
But I still have to endure two more weeks...
(why? I don´t know. I know that nobody is going to reward me for this... I´m the only one who is going to suffer. But for some reason I can´t explain I want to finish this El Hierro series that I
´ve been struggling with for the last month. I want to reach a conclusion... For my own sake. This island has been on my mind for more than 6 months - I can´t quit now! - Or could I? No, I think I´d hate myself even more if I´d just give up...)
Now I just have to stop writing, and start working. I´m too responsible to just call and say "I´m too damned exhausted!! - there will be no more programmes for a while!" I just don´t....
Above you can see a picture of one of my new best friends. We have two small ones that come and ask for cat food almost every day. The cats usually don´t bother them - not after the first try, anyway...
But I couldn´t. And I can´t!
I´m awfully tired - and I´ve been tired for a long time... I need time off!! Now! So why can´t I just leave what I´m doing and take care of myself? I mean, that would be the most sane thing to do right now, since it doesn´t seem to matter anyway if I do a good job, or a mediocre job (or none at all) because I still don´t know if I´ll have a chance to keep on doing what I like to do (radio programmes...) next year. It´s all about money. And I just hate this situation.
Still, something keeps me from giving up...
Am I an idiot?
Or just too ambitious?
Or is it just a personal thing, that I want to finish what I started over 6 months ago? And I want to do it well?
But I need a vacation. And not only a week or two, but a real vacation! Last year I didn´t really have one, since having to deal with the fact that your husband is planning to move to another country isn´t exactly having time off, and that is what happened during my 3-4 free weeks last summer.
But I didn´t realize exactly how tired I was until the beginning of this summer - after the documentary, after all the other programmes...
Now I have reached the point where I sleep badly, wake up too early, feel irritated with anyone who expect something from me - and in short, I´m bitchier than ever!
More than one person has suggested that I´m heading for a burnout... I´m afraid they might be right. I have to do something to avoid that, and I have to do it soon...
But I still have to endure two more weeks...
(why? I don´t know. I know that nobody is going to reward me for this... I´m the only one who is going to suffer. But for some reason I can´t explain I want to finish this El Hierro series that I
´ve been struggling with for the last month. I want to reach a conclusion... For my own sake. This island has been on my mind for more than 6 months - I can´t quit now! - Or could I? No, I think I´d hate myself even more if I´d just give up...)Now I just have to stop writing, and start working. I´m too responsible to just call and say "I´m too damned exhausted!! - there will be no more programmes for a while!" I just don´t....
Above you can see a picture of one of my new best friends. We have two small ones that come and ask for cat food almost every day. The cats usually don´t bother them - not after the first try, anyway...
posted by grumpyoldbitch | 2:40 PM
6 Comments:
Hi R and ASS! I greet you from my new home, a small town with a population of 9000. Never lived in a small town in my life before, but I like it! I like being able to take my bike everywhere, I like that everything is close and I don't need to sit on asweaty bus for 25 min to get places I need to be. I know A won't agree with me here...
My problem is the opposite of yours, A. I can't get started working, which I have to, because of money. But it feels like I'm stuck in syrup. I have had time off this summer (unemployed) and now starting again just isn't happening. There's too much to do with the new house, and too nice to sit in the garden with a book, and too nice to play 50's housewife and make homemade pickles and jams and marmalades. Gah. Good thing I have my feminist magazine to cling to...
How is life overe there, R?
Well, here I was about to write that ASS's only reader was back--only to find La Belle Maria's posting. (This talk of happy housewifery and its attendant pickles, jams, and marmalades are a dagger through poor Ted's heart!)
We're just back from six weeks of taunting death in India: head-on car crashes, e coli contamination from pooping sadhus, elephant-riding disasters, monsoons so bad people were swimming in the other lanes, terrorist bombs, monkey attacks--you name it: plenty of potential ways to go! We survived unscathed, even after eating ground-up betel nuts wrapped up in a leaf package held together by a clove.
Wow! Sounds like you have a lot of Nanomaterial right there! Are you joining this year? I don't think I will. It's a fun thing to have done once but I'm not suited for it, I take my writing (and myself I think) too seriously. I just tried to tackle my old manuscript with little success. It's too boring, to be honest.
Don't you love the way we've hijacked ASS's blog for our own secret correspondence? If she would ever update, perhaps she would discover us lurking here! And tell us what the hell those creatures in her photo are. Hedgehogs?
I'm feeling like I may not Nano this year either. Why add to the overpopulation of the world with unfinished (bad) manuscripts? I am feeling like I should take another whack at last year's effort, however. (At least I think it was last year's; who can remember?) It was the update of Lady Chatterly's Lover, with a secretly gay ex-husband and a sexy handyman in the Virginia countryside. I love the phrase "stuck in syrup," by the way.
What is the feminist magazine you are clinging to?
It's a very old magazine and I'm the chairperson for the board (is that how you say it in English?). We suffer from constant lack of funds and after my honeymoon (oh yes, I'm getting married on Saturday, did I tell you?!) I will have to go a-begging among the rich funds to see if anyone would take pity on us. We have six issues a year and it's both really fun and really stressful to work with it.
Yesterday I went to my very first publishers party! It was quite exciting. Our cookbook should be out in a few weeks! I really can't wait to hold a copy in my hand. But the fact that everyone and their uncle will have the opportunity to criticize something I've written has just struck me and is making me a little nervous.
Stuck in syrup... I guess I like making up my own idiomatic expressions!
Oh and yes, those ARE hedgehogs...
Wow! You're getting married! You've published a book! And you're chairman of the board of a feminist magazine! I don't know which to be most impressed by. (Plus you can identify hedgehogs, in more than one lanaguage.) Congratulations on all three, or four. Now poor Ted is really going to be banging his head against the wall....
If only I spoke Swedish so I could put your cookbook to good use.... Ted actually makes Kjell's salmon stew, which he served us on our lightening raid of Finland. Perhaps we'll all have to come back and get another taste of the northern realms!
Post a Comment
<< Home